The Pill Train

You went through an identity shock-- through an unpredictable event. The reality you knew got pulled from under your feet and peering below all you saw were the lies you believed. You began to question your entire reality--and at the same time deny what was unfolding in front of your eyes.

You went to the doctor, because that is what society told you that you should do. You were scared, suggestible, and in the worst confusion of your life. Your doctor makes you fill out a questionnaire, then comes back saying you have depression/anxiety and you need to go on a pill to solve it. Your gut tells you no, your body goes through panic, it knows this is not what you truly want to do. But society supports it, convincing you that even "celebrities" are on them--that they will "fix" you, that you can just come off them in 6 months. That 6 months come around and your scared, you read reddit posts talking about side effects. You attempt to come off and spiral out of control, you get told that this was just how you were before, even though you feel the most out of your mind you've ever been. You don't know if you can trust yourself, so again, you trust the ones "in charge".

Your doctor switches you to another antidepressant, says it will work much better than the last. You do it, you start to feel great--a year goes by and you start having digestion problems, negative sexual side effects, heart pain, muscle tension, and bone weakness. You begin to finally look into what this medication is doing. You uncover how it depletes your magnesium, vit D, and calcium, you find out that its depleting your serotonin stores, you realizing its interfering with healthy liver function--causing digestive issues. You begin to prepare, to prep your body to come off, and you come off a little bit at a time--each time--finding strength from knowing you weren't actually the insane one this whole time.

You come to the realization that we live in an ill society. A society that actually perpetuates and unhealthy state of body and mind. One that doesn't allow for periods of sorrow, of sadness, of grief. A society that runs off perfection as a cover but an illness in its pages. You realize the healthier you take care of your mind, body, and spirit, the more you have nothing in common with the same people who told you were crazy. You wake up, become strong, and finally understand who you are and are meant to become.

You weren't going into a deep depression. You were going through a deep rest--something that happens as the first stage of your spiritual awakening. Your adjustment period to seeing the world as it really is. You didn't need pills, you needed support from others who went through it. You didn't need pills, you needed to be told the importance of a healthy, nutritious diet and avoidance of toxic drugs and alcohol. You didn't need pills, you needed a doctor who performed lab tests to ensure your not deficient, have hormonal dysregulation, or thyroid disorders. You didn't need pills, you needed to understand the importance of movement and exercise during a time of severe anxiety so that it doesn't get bottled up inside. You didn't need pills, you needed to figure out your values, purpose, and passions to connect you to something bigger than yourself. You didn't need pills, you just needed to understand that your feelings and reactions are justified to the circumstances you went through. You didn't need pills, you needed support while figuring out that the only way to healing is through. <3 Syd

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