Relating

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A guide to living with other people, whether it be psychological, astrological, or any other, cannot -- if it is to do justice to human nature -- provide shortcuts. We have lately had a surfeit of shortcuts, ranging from LSD to five-day "enlightenment intensives", and none of them have solved our relationship problems. The growth of a human being is slow, it begins at birth and ends at death, and requires a lifetime of nurturing. It cannot be hurried. The growth of a relationship cannot be hurried either, particularly if it is to be a conscious one. Nor can the process be made free of conflict by psychological techniques and exercises, or even by horoscopes. We must all, in the end, accept the consequences of our choices, and choices are never as simple as they seem. Even the wisest of men make poor choices, and it is these very "mistakes", with all the pain of their consequences, which enable him to achieve some wisdom. Unfortunately, for the facile seeker, the questions we ask can only be answered with more questions. "Should I leave my husband?" for example, cannot be answered by "yes", or "no". Were it that simple, we would have no problems at all, and would not grow. Thus the question can only be answered by other questions: "What does your marriage mean to you?" and "What do you feel it means to your husband?" and "What do you understand to be the main problem in the marriage?" and "What is your share in the constellation of this problem?". And to each of these questions, the answer is a dozen more. The astrologer or psychologist who answers "Yes or "No" is a presumptuous and dangerous fool; for no one can make another man's choice for him. And in every choice, however apparently black-and-white, lies a web of associations and nuances which ultimately, if one knows how to look an inquire properly, can illuminate its deepest meaning. Parzival, in order to redeem the kingdom, was not required to perform any heroic deed: he was required to ask the right questions.

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The path to greater understanding suggested in this book will not be a popular one, because it entails individual responsibility and offers no shortcuts. It is far easier to blame one's parents for one's psychological problems, conveniently forgetting that the power of the parents derives from what is projected upon them; it is easier to shout out one's anger at one's neighbour in an encounter then go home and forget about it, than search within oneself for the anger's real source; it is easier to leave a relationship or marriage because monogamy is "out of fashion", or because one's partner is obviously a beast and wholly responsible for the mess.The recognition of the element of projection is a burden many of us do not wish to assume; for if we do assume this burden, not a single incident -- not a single resentment -- can pass without recognition of one's own motives..........

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- Liz Greene, "Relating" An Astrological Guide to Living with Others on a Small Planet

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The hardest thing you can do is look yourself in the mirror and understand you are attracting that which you despise. It it a lot easier to acknowledge attracting that which excites you, but not that of your own shadow. 

The hardest thing I have ever done and continue to choose, is to stay. To stop thinking there is a better job, a better relationship, a better city, a better group of friends, a upbringing, ect ect ect that will change my circumstances. Instead, I have decided to stay and work through each one of these challenges and in the depths of my own despair and projections, I have met myself each time. I have used these challenges to shape my perceptions and strengthen my own sense of boundaries and sense of self. A plant does not grow by constantly changing it's environment around it, it grows by adapting to it's circumstances and learns how to thrive amongst the turbulent weather it may endure. Strengthen and spread out your roots, rather than constantly rip them out. And in that process, you have to let yourself be wrong, to let your ego squeal out of you like the mandrakes in Harry Potter. When you show up authentically as yourself, you will see others around you doing the same. Always remember-- as above, so below. 

-Sydney